It can be harder to take care of ourselves than it is to take care of other people. I’m sure we’ve all seen the advice that if it’s hard for you to treat yourself well, you should act as if you’re doing something nice for a friend or partner. Perhaps when you’re thinking uncharitably about yourself, you should ask yourself whether you’d ever say that to someone else. Lately I’ve also been thinking about what I can learn from the ways I exercise care outside of these typical relationships between me and other humans.
Yes, I can show care towards strangers and people in my community by wearing a mask when I am sick, by holding doors open, or by taking a genuine interest in the lives of my friends, colleagues, and neighbors. Outside of the human realm, I have two cats, and I show them care by playing with them. I try to be patient when they beg for food or attention at 3 AM. Even when I’m playing a video game, I show care to the characters, even though I am fully aware they are simply code and pixels. In Animal Crossing, for instance, I visit my favorite villagers, bring them gifts, and decorate their living spaces. If I am playing a city or community building game, I try and make sure that my residents are happy by keeping their homes free of pollution, ensuring they have access to education, and providing them with parks and plenty of green space.
What does treating myself with the same care look like? If I picture myself as a stranger, I can try to take care of my own health. I can’t exactly hold a door open for myself or ask myself about the weather, but I can grant myself small mercies. I can take the time to sit and listen to my own thoughts and opinions, take them seriously, and try to understand why I feel the way that I do. If I picture myself as a cat, I should make sure that I have a variety of activities to fill my time, and that I take time to relax and play, even if I’m not being “productive.” I can also be patient with myself, even when it’s difficult. And if I picture myself as a video game character, that means that I need to treat myself to small luxuries, make my home a clean and comfortable place to live, spend some time outside, and always continue learning. All of this can, of course, be more challenging to implement in practice than it is in theory. But at times when it’s hard to give ourselves the love that we deserve, I think it’s worth looking deeply at all the forms of care we show to the world, and trying to turn that back in on ourselves.